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Let’s Talk Marriage
F.D.Lueking,
Eerdmans, 2001.
Review by Rev. J. Westendorp
Pre-marriage counselling is one of
the more delightful responsibilities of pastors – a wonderful
opportunity to get alongside a couple as they prepare for a life
together. In our culture it is also one of the more important tasks as
almost half of today’s marriages end in the divorce courts.
For most of my ministy I have included in my pre-marriage sessions some
recommended reading. I also routinely give couples Walter Trobish’s
book, “I Married You” – a book that has gone through many reprints.
After reading ‘Let’s Talk Marriage’ I’m rethinking that practice.
Lueking,, like Trobish, is a Lutheran. His book is briefer and in a
generation where it’s a battle to get people to read, the 87 pages are a
bearable assignment. Furthermore, the interpsersed questions for couples
to discuss together can help them work through troublesome issues that
might be missed during pre-marriage counselling.
Lueking divides his work into three sections: Unity of Bodies
(childhood, teen years, fidelity and commitment, intimacy, parenting);
Unity of Souls (spiritual foundations, mutual ministry, prayer, church
home); Unity of Minds (money, family, friends, communication,
interests).
Lueking is not afraid to grapple with tough issues but always does so in
a graciour way. Take for example the matter of ‘living together’ in
order to prove compatibility. Lueking talks about tough times shaping
couples and bringing them closer together. He then adds, “That doesn’t
happen on a trial basis, for then we humans quit too soon. We lack the
tools to work with. The truth is: marriage sustains love. Love does not
create marriage. It draws from God, who creates and sustains marriage by
the love that brought his Son to the cross and raised him from death so
that the sin that destroys is overcome.” Almost as an afterthought he
adds, “With instant gratification coming at us from all sides, it is not
surprising that waiting till marriage to live together seems pointless.”
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