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Resources - Meditations
September 2000
Trowel Building
Marrying the Girl Next
Door
Rev. John Ter Horst
Recently I read a paper on
‘Cross-Cultural Marriages’. The article began with a quote from Margaret
Mead, “If you are not going to marry the boy next door - and if you do
you may die of boredom - then you are going to have to work much
harder.” The tenet of the article was the exploration of cultural
differences in the growth of a marriage relationship. Most of us did
marry the boy/girl next door. Most of us have found that challenging
enough. Our marriage relationships are anything but boring. As the
author, Celia Jaes Falicov admits, “Strictly speaking, we all
intermarry, even if we marry the boy next door. Husband and wife
generally belong to social units of one sort or another that differ in
terms of family traditions, occupations, or political ideologies.”
Relationships, especially marriage relationships, take on a whole new
dimension when the people involved come from different cultural
backgrounds. The differences that exist anyway are then broadened and,
as Magaret Mead suggests, that means ‘having to work much harder’. It is
true in marriage. It is true of all relationships, also in the context
of the church family. Those of us who are immigrants, or the children of
immigrants, will know all about that.
Falicov defines culture as, “those sets of shared worldviews and
adaptive behaviours derived from simultaneous membership in a variety of
contexts, such as ecological setting (rural, urban, suburban), religious
background, nationality and ethnicity, social class, minority status,
occupation, political leanings, migratory patterns and stage of
acculturation, and values derived from belonging to the same generation,
historical period, or particular ideology.”
Multiculturalism and its effect on a church family is not new to us.
Neither is it a problem new to the Scripture. God’s New Testament Church
struggled with this issue in its infancy. Jesus told the disciples, “But
you will receive power when the Holy Spirit comes on you; and you will
be my witnesses in Jerusalem, and in all Judea and Samaria, and to the
ends of the earth.” The mere fact that Samaria was mentioned, let alone
the whole world, would involve cross-cultural evangelism. When
Samaritans were converted and entered the church, differences in culture
had to be addressed. This was not something the early Christians warmed
to. Peter received a special vision to prepare him for cross-cultural
evangelism [Acts 10:9-23]. The apostle Paul was abused for his
cross-cultural ministry [Acts 13:45]. James, Peter, and John endorsed
the cross-cultural ministry of Paul and Barnabas [Galatians 2:9-10].
Peter was confronted for his hypocrisy in certain cross-cultural
settings [Galatians 2:11-21].
In some early missionary situations Christianity was linked with western
culture. The thought of multiculturalism seemed to be largely absent.
Conversion to Christianity included conversion to western societal
culture. Apparently, some thought the two went hand in hand. Thankfully
that mentality has largely disappeared from missionary endeavours.
Accepting multiculturalism brings unique challenges. Some would like to
use the word ‘problems’ instead of ‘challenges’. Differences can always
divide. It is the path of water, namely, the path of least resistance.
One or two of our own reformed churches are struggling with these issues
as the result of an influx of people from South Africa. It is a ‘copout’
to let our differences of culture separate us. The quote of Margaret
Mead with reference to marriage, “If you are not going to marry the boy
next door - and if you do you may die of boredom - then you are going to
have to work much harder” also has some application to our church
families.
Multiculturalism has the wonderful potential to enhance the life of any
church family, in much the same way a variety of ingredients enhances
the taste of soup, or a casserole. It just takes more work. It just
takes a little more creativity. It may even mean loosing some of what we
have for a better option. It may mean allowing the collective wisdom
from another culture to broaden what is currently available. It may mean
struggling through what is relevant in a multicultural setting.
Culture is not static. It flows! It changes! God willing, it improves!
For those of us who came as migrants from one culture and established
ourselves in another, this ought to be most obvious.
A Prayer: Dear Father in heaven, help us to see beyond our own
cultural preferences. Let us draw strength from differences. May
cultural differences enhance, not divide us. Amen.
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