Spiritual Growth in the Deepest and Longest Troughs

TROWEL & SWORD

Harry Burggraaf

"My soul rejoices in the Lord and delights in his salvation. My whole being will exclaim, ‘Who is like you, O Lord?’". (Psalm 35)

"Why are you downcast O my soul? Why so disturbed within me? My tears have been my food day and night." (Psalm 42)

Why do deep shadows accompany bright daylight? Why do mountains descend into valleys? Why do success and failure often go together? Why do life and death walk hand in hand? Why are joy and sorrow frequently two sides of the same coin?

I sometimes envy those fortunate people who seem to sail through the storms of life on an even keel, without so much as a tear or a flap of the sail; people whose lives appear to be only light, mountains, success and joy. And I’m not really impressed with the argument that we won’t enjoy the mountains unless we go through the valleys and that we can savour the light so much more because of the shadows. I would like to feel good all the time. I hate depression and disillusionment. I question the virtue of suffering. I want to enjoy God continually. I want my relationships to be fulfilling every day.

However, reading through the Psalms and reflecting on the experiences of people who we would consider to be spiritual giants, affirms for me that peaks and troughs seem naturally to make up so much of the Christian life.

In a moment of euphoria and assurance David, that hero of the Old Testament church, writes:

"Light, space, zest - that’s God!
So, with him on my side I’m fearless
and afraid of no one and nothing...
When besieged, I’m calm as a baby.
When all hell breaks loose,
I’m collected and cool."

But in the next breath he complains

"Listen God, I’m calling at the top of my lungs:
"Be good to me! Answer me!...
Don’t hide from me now.
Don’t turn your back on me now.
Don’t throw me out. Don’t abandon me!"

(Psalm 27. The Message)

Strangely the troughs often come after the successful and exhilarating experiences; an exam done well, a good public performance, a great night out, a wonderful friendship, an uplifting time of worship, a helpful hand extended to someone in need.

Jeremiah courageously confronts the leaders of a nation which has turned its back on God; a hero of faith. But, mission completed, we find him in deep depression, lamenting:

"Why did I ever come from the womb to look on trouble and sorrow, so that my days have been spent in shame... O Lord you have deceived me and I was deceived." (Jeremiah 20)

Elijah, fresh from a stunning victory at Mt Carmal, prays in despair and self pity:

"I have had enough Lord. Take my life." (1Kings 19)

David, Peter, Paul and a multitude of others; we’re in good company when we find that the spiritual peaks of our life are matched by depressing troughs.

I don’t think there are any really satisfying explanations for why life with God consists of both streams and desert, closeness and distance, enjoyment and frustration. We can offer theological, psychological and other suggestions, but at best they are little windows of insight.

One offering I rather like is from C.S.Lewis in his classic ‘Screwtape Letters; imaginary letters from a senior to a junior devil:

"My dear Wormwood,

So you "have great hopes that the patient’s religious phase is dying away"... has no one ever told you about the law of Undulation? Humans are amphibians - half spirit and half animal. As spirits they belong to the eternal world, but as animals they inhabit time. This means that while their spirit can be directed to an eternal object, their bodies, passions and imaginations are in continual change. Their nearest approach to constancy therefore is undulation, a series of troughs and peaks... As long as your ‘patient’ lives on earth periods of bodily and emotional richness and liveliness will alternate with periods of numbness and poverty...Now it may surprise you to learn that the ‘Enemy’ relies on the troughs even more than the peaks; some of his special favourites have gone through longer and deeper troughs than anyone else...He uses them to leave the creature to stand up on its own legs - to carry out from the will alone duties which have lost all relish. It is during such trough periods, much more than during the peak periods, that it is growing into the sort of creature He wants it to be. Hence the prayers offered in the state of dryness are those which please Him best... He wants them to learn to walk and must therefore take away His hand; and if only the will to walk is really there He is pleased even with their stumbles... Do not be deceived, Wormwood. Our cause is never more in danger than when a human, no longer desiring, but still intending, to do our Enemy’s will, looks round upon the universe from which every trace of Him seems to have vanished, and asks why he has been forsaken, and still obeys.

Your affectionate uncle,

Screwtape.

Faith and the Christian life is so much more obedience and taking God at his word, than an endless experience of good feeling. Although, praise God, the joyful communion and grand mountain vistas are also there.

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